In the Mind #008: Recent Reading Recaps

Attempting to honor my commitments, one post at a time.

A dilemma: my desire to be anywhere but on my computer is strong, but I’ve made a commitment to myself to write this Substack weekly.

If I can make it through four weeks of Dry January (I have not caved and, somewhat surprisingly though I should not be surprised, I feel great), I can also publish four posts. However uninspired they may be.

Thus, I bring to you, recaps of a few recent reads that are probably interesting only to me, but this is my post, so I’m trying not to care.

Sidebar: This weekend I read a post from Rachel A. Dawson of The Rad Recap where she used the r.e.c.a.p acronym to structure her post. I love this!

Reading.Exploring.Creating.Asking.Playing. How perfect. I’m not going to steal it, but it inspired me to just share what’s topical to me – which is what I originally intended this In the Mind series to be.

The Shards

I’ve been on a tear recently with reading – from mid-December to now I’ve finished eleven books. A few were audio, but still. I’m a fast reader, and I love to lose myself in books. Somehow my ADHD is deactivated – my focus is fixed and my brain is filled with the story.

Just yesterday, I finished The Shards by Bret Easton Ellis, a 600 page powerhouse of thriller that made the most of Ellis’ signature dark, detached style.

My favorite kind of story is deeply character driven. I like to get inside the minds of the characters. Immerse myself in their worlds. Ellis is a master of this, set in the glamorous utopia of wealthy Los Angeles.

Unlike Less than Zero, in which, intentionally, nothing really happens – here a serial killer called The Trawler is loose in LA in 1981. Potentially connected to a cult called Raiders of Afterlife, the killer is targeting teens, including the narrator, a young, “fictionalized” (or is he?) version of Bret, who is convinced his new classmate Robert Mallory has something to do with it.

Parts of this book were morbid and disgusting. I literally gasped aloud at a few points – there are scenes of human and animal mutilation that I don’t need to read again. And a lot of graphic sex. But on the whole, I loved it. Bret is a highly descriptive yet incredibly unreliable narrator, and it made for a truly engaging read, with an ending that is very open to interpretation.

If you plan to read the book – stop now. I’m going to share with you my theories, which I arrived at in part thanks to several comprehensive Reddit threads. I love Reddit.

I don’t think Brett is the Trawler, but I do think he killed Matt Kellner, copying the moves he knew the Trawler to have made. He was also the intruder that slashed Thom and Susan.

One very compelling Reddit theory is that Bret is Robert Mallory. Which turns the entire book sideways. I’m not going to give it a second read, but I bet it would be fascinating to do so.

I also learned from Reddit that the book was initially shared, chapter by chapter, on The Bret Easton Ellis podcast – something I did not know existed until now, and such an interesting concept. “EXPERIENCE THE THRILLING VOYEURISM OF WITNESSING A NOVEL'S UNFILTERED FORMATION FROM INSIDE THE AUTHOR'S PROCESS,” he writes. I kind of wish I had.

The Rachel Incident

Whomst among us can’t recall an incident. An all-encompassing descriptor for a time or a situation that can be conjured up and summarized with just a word or a phrase. I can think of several, and I’ve been the subject of a few. “Yellow Dress” comes to mind – an episode from college that was far from one of my finer moments.

To live in a world where Jessica McClintock was an icon of formalwear…those were the days.

The Rachel Incident is about just that. Set in Cork, Ireland in the early 2000s, it’s the story of a girl, Rachel, and her best friend, James, and the situations they find themselves in during a year spent living together in semi-squalor, as many early 20-somethings do.

I saw a lot of the college version of me in Rachel and James. Aimless, insecure, desperately seeking validation and assurance in a world that withholds so much.

The eponymous incident isn’t just one thing – it’s shorthand for a combination of things that are too complex, too convoluted, too painful for one to recount in detail. It’s the entirety of the novel and its culmination in one. Though I totally gave away the ending of the last book, I won’t share more about this one in case you, too, are into Irish fiction.

The Alchemist

I’ve had The Alchemist sitting on my shelf for years and somehow never read it. In early December, I decided it was time.

As I read at the airport prior to leaving for my holiday trip, a man sitting two seats down the bar spoke up. “Have you read The Alchemist before? It’s incredible – you get something new out of it every time you pick it up.”

I found this to be absolutely true. There are so many lessons, beautifully and gently delivered, throughout the story. What stood out for me most were the pieces around patience and persistence. Of finding happiness and contentment in what is already yours. What’s already inside of you.

I’ve struggled mightily over the past several years to figure out what’s wrong with me. What’s missing. I feel deeply that there’s something I need to do or achieve. Something that will unlock my ability to live up to my potential. I know it’s inside of me, and I already know everything I need to know.

Upon self-examination, I’m constantly left with nothing but questions. What do I need, what do I want, who am I, how do I figure it out?

The Alchemist reminded me of what I already know, and gave me renewed confidence that I’m going to figure it out. I’m taking the steps I need to take, here and now. I will get there.

Sunday Dinner

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Back when I was on Instagram (a month ago), one of my favorite follows was My Sister Made Me Buy It. The account is run by two sisters, Sarah and Missy, because “sisters are the original influencers.” Truth. I’d like to think that I influenced my sister in our younger years, but only because she always stole things from my closet and I’d let her, but she would NEVER let me get away with taking something from hers.

I loved the account because it’s not influencer-y. It’s filled with real-world recommendations from attainable brands, covering everything from mid-size fashion (a rarity!) to beauty to snacks to pens. They influenced me to buy a MicroStitch, an ingenious gadget that has transformed my ability to wear tops with low necklines.

But in addition to all of that, there is often discussion of grief and emotion. Sarah and Missy lost both of their parents a few years ago, and I appreciate how frankly Sarah discusses the experience of grief, the constant undercurrent as well as the more obvious hard moments, as well as how she is (or sometimes isn’t) handling it.

Sarah also writes a Substack called Sunday Dinner, where she shares link roundups and life updates, and this week’s post really resonated with me.

“I have 19 drafts of blogposts and newsletters saved. 28 voice memos. And thousands of ideas running around my head at all times. My productivity bank is always negative. And the checkbook never balances the commitments I make with the completions I execute.”

YES I FEEL THIS. (And yes, Sarah, you are a writer!) There is so much I want to do, think about starting, one trillion ideas running through my brain at all times. But execution can be so difficult because, depression.

But Sarah’s advice to herself got me going this week, and kicked into gear my drive to get this post published. “Once you start, you start.” And then…you just keep going.

Have a great week friends!